I Made the Move

 14 October 2022

Dear Tennessee,

It’s me.  Today is the one-hundred and third day since you left this earth.  I miss you every day.  Some more than others.

You know I always loved our mountain retreat.  So last Tuesday I hired a company to move the important things up here.  The compressor you and mom bought me, my rollaway, miscellaneous items, all of which took up a 25 foot trailer.  It was a relief to finally get up here and enjoy the home we loved so much in the Summertime.  For me, I will see how I fare the winters.  

Lexi and Stella are good.  I start volunteering soon with Lexi in hospice care.  She is the greatest dog and my faithful companion, helping me deal with losing you.  While cleaning out our desert home, she would find areas or things where your clothing or personal items kept.  Lexi sniffed these areas for a long time hoping to somehow find you.  She knows you are gone, but still searches for you.  When we arrived to our desert home about three weeks ago, she ran into the bedroom, hoping you were there relaxing or sleeping.  After a quick search, she settled in to her spot on the couch.

Going through our home was hard.  Sorting through photos of us, memories of happier times, all of this made me sad.  So I took breaks and time away for recovery.  I ran into many small but significant things.  Important things that gave meaning to your life.  Not sure what I will do with these significant items, but once I get reestablished here I will find a special place for them.  You are sitting on top of the fireplace mantle.  Every morning, before I go to bed and during the day as I pass your resting place, I gently touch you and tell you I love you.  Maybe this sounds strange, but in some way it is reassuring to know although you are gone in person, you are not fully away from me.

I am getting better day by day.  I subscribed to audio books allowing me to listen to topics on grief and grieving.  I finished several good ones which help me understand why we grieve and the best way to go through the process.  I learned that I will never finish grieving.  But each year the grief will get less frequent and its intensity will subside.  But I will always miss you. I am OK with this as I never want to forget your lovely smile, your kind ways and how wonderful you were to me despite the selfish person I am.

Love,

Greg

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