Aparigraha - letting go

 

13 August 2023

Dear Tennessee,

It’s me.  Today is the four hundred and sixth day since you left this earth.  I miss you every day.  Some more than others.

I am getting better.

I have been studying the yoga disciplines.  The first five are called Yamas.  The are the observances of Yoga. They ask me to examine my life and examine what motivates me.  To question why I believe a certain way.  They encourage me in my self-examination to remove things that keep me from growing.  Things that hinder progress and keep me from living life according to God's purpose.  The fifth Yama is called "Aparigraha."  It basically is the Yama of non-greed, non-possessiveness, and non-attachment.  Not just attachment to things.  But to people and relationships as well.  This does not mean to detach from all things and relationships.  It means to focus on those that serve me and remove attachments to those that don't.  Please understand I will always be attached to you, your spirit and memories.  But your things I must part with.  So on the first anniversary of your death, I sent your remains to aunt Lil and asked her to spread them on the graves of your family in Minnesota.  She put part of them on Grandma and Grandpa's grave.  Some on Archie and Mary's, the rest on Tommy's grave.  Now you are Tommy are back together.  I know how bad it hurt you when he died prematurely.  Now you can hang out like you did when you were kids.  Two peas on a pod so to speak metaphorically.

I did not keep any part of your remains.

I took all your photos down except for two.  I kept a few things that remind me of you and the rest I donated to the local thrift store.  Somebody is finding a good use for them.  I find peace in knowing I will keep your memory alive until the day I die.  These are things I don't need anymore.  Neither do you.

I started dating about three months ago.  Met some nice ladies.  Before you died you told me to find somebody new, maybe one day get remarried.  In life I tried my best to make your dreams come true.  I know now you would be happy knowing I am open to another relationship.  I will let God figure this one out.  In the meantime I am searching and having fun.

The dogs are great.  Lexi now volunteers at the hospital twice a week.  She sees about 20-35 patients twice a week.  Some she has blessed immensely, others just enjoy the visit.  I absolutely love my volunteer work as a therapy dog handler.  It gives me such joy to go into a hospital room and brighten somebody’s suffering day with a big dog and funny story.  I tell the funny story, not Lexi :-)  Stella is still as silly and playful as ever.  A perpetual kid.

This past weekend I went on a mushroom forage in Alpine.  I fell in love with the outdoors again.  I felt like a kid camping.  Loving the outdoors and wanting to get back to it.  I know I live in the forest.  But I am talking about going deep into the forest and camping.  Not tent camping.  Most likely with a trailer.  I wish you could have been there as I laid on my back and watched the milky way amaze me.  I felt so microscopic yet simultaneously expansive.  Meteors streamed across the sky.  It was a miracle happening above me.  All I had to do was look up.  Why have I waited so long to look up?  I wish you could have been there to watch me cry at the majesty and beauty of God's creation. 

Was that you throwing shooting stars down from the heavens as I was watching?  

Thank you for this beautiful gift.

Love,

Greg

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