Come Dance With Me

22 August 2022

Hello Tennessee,

It’s me.  Today is the fiftieth day since you left this earth.  I miss you every day.  Some more than others.

Last Saturday I went to the stage where they have music near the equestrian center.  I was saddened because normally we would go together and dance.  But you were not there to dance with.  I remembered the times we danced together.  I thought of those moments and vividly remember how much you enjoyed dancing.  After all, that's how we met.  

They got rid of that old creaky dance floor and replaced it with a strong concrete pad. Nobody was dancing.  If you were there, we would be the first ones down on the floor.  Dancing and loving and living life. I remember how much you loved to dance.  I ask myself if I took you out enough.  Could I have taken you more often or danced longer with you.  I wonder if I listened intently to you or if I treated you well.  Was I too much like my father.  Could I have tried harder. They say self-doubt or blame is common in grief recovery.  I have plenty.  

I don't know if  I can ever dance with another again.  I fear I will start dancing and break down in tears as I recall the fun we had together.  Maybe I will just join a line-dancing group.  Can I survive this?  Eventually I will have to get out of the house and make new friends.  I have not been to any of the local places.  These are places we used to go frequently and I feel that going there will bring back painful memories.  Tomorrow I plan to go for Taco Tuesdays.  If only just for a short time at least I tried.  We will see.

I keep myself busy with things.  It helps drown-out the sorrow and deep feeling of loss I have since your passing.  They say you have to grieve.  I am trying.  But most everything reminds me of you.   It's hard.

So tonight I fix my dinner, watch some television and go to bed.  Maybe Taco Tuesday tomorrow.

Love,

Greg


p.s. I discovered after writing this note that  Charlie Clarks is closed on Tuesdays.  No more Taco Tuesday.  Guess I will have to make my own.


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